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Beach Dreams...
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A Breath of Fresh Air - Day 3
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Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Next to Normal - A Breath of Fresh Air
So today is day number two of not smoking. Currently I am reading a book called "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" by Allen Carr and it is helping tremendously, but I'll get back to that soon. Lately, I cant help but think about 10 years ago when I first started smoking. I was 20 years old and I had been so against smoking my whole life. Both my mother and my father are long term smokers. I hated it. I couldn't stand it in my car or in any vicinity around me. All of my friends smoked and I mean ALL OF THEM. Every single person I hung out with on a regular basis was a smoker. And one night, I realized while working the night shift at QT that I was to young to buy beer. I was having a particularly stressful evening and before I left I bought a single pack of Marlboro Ultra Light 100's before I left for the evening. Hell, I was old enough to buy those at least. I don't remember if I even opened the pack that night on the drive home but I brought it with me. I wish, if even subconsciously that I never, ever did that. How could I be stupid? I remember sitting in my living room and Kimmie said to me "You wont smoke it, I don't believe you!". She didn't believe after all the fuss I had made over it I would even try it. I remember defiantly, opening the box, pulling a cigarette out, lighting it and taking a drag. It tasted horrible. It tasted worse then I thought. I had became light headed and dizzy after that. I know now that was my body responding to poison. I coughed a little, I inhaled and I was now initiated. She was surprised and fascinated all at the same time. Little did she know I had in my life smoked, I think, three cigarettes in my 20 years. A hardened pro I was not but I certainly knew what I was in for. The very first time I tried smoking cigarettes I was 9 or 10 but I didn't inhale. I knew it tasted bad and I remember wondering what the hell they were talking about when it came to "flavor" in cigarettes. The next time was when I was 12 or 13 and it was a Marlboro Red. I inhaled for the very first time and BOOM, I threw up. Threw up all over the ground. It was enough to bring my pre-teen experimentation to a halt. The next time I attempted was when I was 15 or 16. I was living in the Florida Keys and was hanging out with my friend Brad and his then girlfriend, Sarah. I felt cool hanging out with them. We were all the same age but it was different. I was stretching my social muscles. Both of them smoked and I decided to try it again so I did. I think I smoked two. It made me dizzy and light headed but I still found the less than glamorous stench to much to bear, and what if my mom found out? I would be dead for sure.
So now here I sit, 10 years later and a smoker of over a pack a day. I sometimes cough so hard that I get headaches. I sometimes smoke so much that I get tension neck pain when I feel that I have the onset of nicotine poisoning and start feeling nauseous. One night I couldn't breath while I was trying to go to sleep. I was, without a doubt having an minor asthma attack. I just felt like I couldn't get enough oxygen. I had to regulate my breathing to go slower so that I might be able to fall asleep. It took forever to fall asleep that night. I even considered going to the hospital for oxygen. Let me make this crystal clear, I do not have asthma and never have. Last year, my Grandmother who had been battling emphysema for the last 12 years or so lost her life to it. She smoked for years before being diagnosed. She was 65. I've attempted quitting at least a hundred times so far. Once I made it as long as 6 months, cold turkey. The next time was 3 months, cold turkey. I've tried patches, pills and good old willpower. Nothing has worked for me. This time I am reading this book, this amazing book. A book that incidentally I have owned before for a long time. I gave it away a few months ago to a friend of mine who needed it pretty badly and it worked (I think) for her. Two nights ago I was at the bookstore and I saw it and I knew. Something triggered inside of me that it was time. So I bought it again and later that night after I was done smoking the cigarettes I was going to smoke I broke the rest in the garbage and started reading the book that night.
So cut to day two and the best part about this book is that it is teaching me to see smoking and the cigarette "culture" for what it is. A lie. Addiction is a lie. A lie that my body tells itself because every cigarette that I smoke I am deceived into thinking this is what's normal. Well, it's not and I'm through with lying to myself. Ive spent the last 2 days detoxing myself and taking in this book. And I really feel it's time. I really feel I have kicked this habit because I no longer want to smoke. I have simply, changed my mind. You wanna know the best part about this whole thing? I haven't suffered from any debilitating withdraw symptom or anything like that. I haven't been pacing or hungry or irritable. Its been a fairly painless transition and I have this book to thank for putting me in the right mindset to accomplish this.
Thank you Allen Carr. If this works, and I know it will. I owe ya one.
So now here I sit, 10 years later and a smoker of over a pack a day. I sometimes cough so hard that I get headaches. I sometimes smoke so much that I get tension neck pain when I feel that I have the onset of nicotine poisoning and start feeling nauseous. One night I couldn't breath while I was trying to go to sleep. I was, without a doubt having an minor asthma attack. I just felt like I couldn't get enough oxygen. I had to regulate my breathing to go slower so that I might be able to fall asleep. It took forever to fall asleep that night. I even considered going to the hospital for oxygen. Let me make this crystal clear, I do not have asthma and never have. Last year, my Grandmother who had been battling emphysema for the last 12 years or so lost her life to it. She smoked for years before being diagnosed. She was 65. I've attempted quitting at least a hundred times so far. Once I made it as long as 6 months, cold turkey. The next time was 3 months, cold turkey. I've tried patches, pills and good old willpower. Nothing has worked for me. This time I am reading this book, this amazing book. A book that incidentally I have owned before for a long time. I gave it away a few months ago to a friend of mine who needed it pretty badly and it worked (I think) for her. Two nights ago I was at the bookstore and I saw it and I knew. Something triggered inside of me that it was time. So I bought it again and later that night after I was done smoking the cigarettes I was going to smoke I broke the rest in the garbage and started reading the book that night.
So cut to day two and the best part about this book is that it is teaching me to see smoking and the cigarette "culture" for what it is. A lie. Addiction is a lie. A lie that my body tells itself because every cigarette that I smoke I am deceived into thinking this is what's normal. Well, it's not and I'm through with lying to myself. Ive spent the last 2 days detoxing myself and taking in this book. And I really feel it's time. I really feel I have kicked this habit because I no longer want to smoke. I have simply, changed my mind. You wanna know the best part about this whole thing? I haven't suffered from any debilitating withdraw symptom or anything like that. I haven't been pacing or hungry or irritable. Its been a fairly painless transition and I have this book to thank for putting me in the right mindset to accomplish this.
Thank you Allen Carr. If this works, and I know it will. I owe ya one.
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